I promise, no one’s looking. Seriously. And if they are, they don’t care nearly as much as you think they do.
When we’re obsessed about a certain body part on our own bodies, we often notice it more in other people. Like, too MUCH. We can’t help it. The problem is, we assume the world sees the same things we do with the same scrutiny we do: if we notice a certain “flaw” all the time, we assume that everyone else does as well.
For example, if you’re self-conscious about your cellulite, you might notice the hammies of every woman who passes your way, and make judgement calls based on how you compare (“Hers is really bad”, “Mine is worse than hers”, “She has nothing there! Lucky”). You may have a negative reaction to people with similar cellulite wearing clothing you’ve decided you “can’t wear”. You may assume that every person you pass is secretly checking out your cellulite and sizing themselves up the same way, judging your worth based on how much you have back there.
Same goes for people with or formerly with acne (you might notice people’s skin more), hairy bits (you may notice every unshaven woman), body fat issues and more. Even women who no longer identify as overweight might be extra aware of the weight of those around them. Whatever the insecurity, you may find yourself more attentive to it and more critical of it in yourself and in others.
We tend to believe people see the world as we do, but the truth is they don’t. After a day of wearing short shorts in a busy city, not a single person will remember your legs. At the beach, the only people who might be distracted by your body are the ones who are sizing up their own (not about you). In reality, people don’t care what you look like as much as you do. But being terrified to live your life the way you want to, or constantly living in fear of judgement, will affect your life in ways you can’t imagine.
While it’s almost impossible to STOP feeling or thinking this way, you can acknowledge it and become more aware that it’s not actual truth. This can help lessen the power it has over you, making it easier to live your life without some unnecessary stress.
If you find yourself constantly worried about what people will think of your body, remind yourself that most people don’t care, and the ones that do are doing the SAME thing you are: making a mountain out of a mole (literally).
Changing your body vs. changing how you feel about your body.
TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.
They can happen separately or simultaneously, but working on the ‘feelings’ bit is the only way to truly feel at peace in the body you have. There are tons of women who get to their goal weights, fit into the jean size they’ve decided is ‘good’ or hit other aesthetic related goals who love their bods no better than before they started. Many simply go from being obsessed about losing weight to being obsessed about maintaining it. Others find new flaws to focus on, other things to fix. And many find that promises like “OMG, weight loss gets rid of ALL your problems and brings on nothing but HAPPY SUNSHINE TIMES” were nothing but a bunch of lies.
Life doesn’t suddenly get perfect when you lose weight. Your issues are still your issues, your problems are still your problems, and some find themselves disappointed that the magic wand of weight loss didn’t magically fix everything.
Everyone deserves to feel at home in their own skin. Which is why working towards body acceptance - even if you’re working on changing some things - is SOOOO beneficial for both your progress and your overall happiness. If what you want is to be happier in your body, you need to confront the reasons you aren’t with a bit more ferociousness and more depth.
Most people find that those reasons are a bit deeper than simply reducing cellulite.
Being just a little kinder to your body is a step in the right direction, whether you still want to change it or not. Maybe start today?
If you could thank your body for ONE thing, what would it be? If you could give your body a high five for something, what would it be? If your body was more of a best friend to you, instead of an enemy, what would you say to cheer it up? How can you change your language and inner dialogue to make your body more of a valuable vessel instead of an obstacle?
Few people learn to love their bodies overnight, but all people who do end up loving their bodies start small. With a change in thinking, a tweak in language, positive peeps surrounding them etc.
If you’re not ready to scream “I love my body”, maybe work on “I’m kind to my body” instead.
Baby steps. :)
The Cycle of Abuse Illustrated Through Single Photos and Multiple Models
Statistics show that 70% of people who are abused as children will grow up into adults who will in turn abuse children. A recent awareness ad campaign by Mexican organization Save the Children shared this fact in single photographs that are both creative and difficult to stomach.
The advertisements were originally published back in May 2012, and were created by Mexican agency Y&R and photographer Ale Burset.
Each one uses five models showing one individual at different stages of life. In the foreground, the individual is experiencing abuse as a child. Older versions of the abused child grow up as they walk across the background of the frame, and turn into the original abuser by the time they walk a full circle.
“70% of abused children turn into abusive adults. Donate at savethechildren.mx,” the advertisements say.
(via feministafatale)
Body Love Books: In the Garden of Thoughts
One of the BEST ad campaigns about representation I have seen.
Everyone has a backbone. Use yours.
(via showtunesrockmysocks)
From the poem To This Day by Shane Koyczan:
“ … and if you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror, look a little closer, stare a little longer, because there’s something inside you that made you keep trying despite everyone who told you to quit.”
This gets me EVERYTIME. :)
Body Lovin’ Books
Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance by Rosie Molinary
“One reason I used to weigh myself so much was to “keep myself on track.” I no longer need to do that, and probably haven’t for quite some time.
You see, I don’t eat the way I do or exercise to keep my weight at a certain number. I do those things because they are part of my life. I like to do them. They benefit me. They keep me healthy and physically fit. Whether I weigh more or less, this will not change. If anything, now that I’ve finally decided to just DO this and trust myself, I’ve become so much more in tune with how I feel about certain foods or exercises and I’ve found a renewed love of the healthful activities. I have given up the stranglehold on my weight.
I have eyes and pants though, and I know what’s happening with my body. But I’ve become selfish. My body is mine alone, and the only person who needs to love it is me (and my boyfriend) My weight is not all that interesting, nor is my size. Everything I have to say is more interesting than whether I got bigger or smaller. So I’m keeping it to myself. I don’t need to be congratulated or consoled about my weight anymore. I’m good.
4 years ago, I was very embarrassed about my weight and size. Sharing with people helped me let it go. I have let it go. Sharing my weight or size serves no purpose for me anymore.”
We’re all different, and you gotta do YOU.
YOU includes a history that you need to work with to make the best decisions for your body: the way you approach your diet and training needs to work for all of “you”.
Some people are totally amazing at moderation. They can have treats in the house, and eat them when desired, without finishing the whole box or bag. Others might struggle more with it, and having treats in the house is too much pressure for them. They might feel like willpower failures, but the truth is they aren’t. All it means is that in order to make the best decisions for themselves, they might need to be more diligent about controlling their environment. That’s empowerment, not weakness: a former alcoholic who refuses to keep booze in the house isn’t weak, but rather doing what they need to do. The same goes for people who might need to calorie count and those that don’t. Or those that need trainers/buddies to workout and those that don’t (sometimes you’re better off with friends and sometimes, it’s not the best for you). When you employ techniques, sometimes you need to base them on WHO YOU ARE. Not necessarily who you’d like to be. In short, it means keeping them realistic to your current situation.
If you can’t seem to commit to an hour a day, there’s nothing wrong with 20 minutes. If you can’t ever seem to make a morning workout, maybe a different time works best. If you have tried and absolutely HATE broccoli, there’s no need to eat it. There are far too many veggies in the world for broccoli to be the end all be all. Try something else.
I’d love to be the person who can keep treats in the house and never touch them. But I’m not that person. If I buy them, I’ll eat them. If I eat them, I often feel shitty on the inside and my workouts/life suffer for it. I’d also love to be the kind of person who loves going to the gym, but I’m not. At-home workouts are what works best for me, and I focused my energy on making them awesome with tools, research and by making my space conducive to home sweating. I used to feel guilty about this (as a trainer, I suppose it’s weird to hate gyms), but I realized there are loads of people like me who can benefit from at-home training experiences. I simply stick to what I do best and kick as much ass with it as I can.
In addition to your routines, your goals should also reflect your own self-awareness. My example would be the fact that I’m not pursuing goals related to incredible leanness, six packs or getting the lowest body fat percentage possible. For some (especially those competing), these are goals they attribute to success and they work really hard to get there. For me - due to my history- these are goals I attribute to disorder: it can be dangerous for me to focus too heavily on aesthetics or numbers. I don’t feel empowered when I micromanage my diet: I feel out of control. I don’t feel good about measuring my body fat percentage against other people: I feel obsessed. It would be very easy for me to pursue those goals, especially with the support I’d have from MANY awesome people. I even feel as though I “could” do it and keep my body in fairly good health too (or at least try). But because of my history - because of my self-awareness OF that history - I’d be poking a sleeping dragon. It wouldn’t be healthy for me to pursue those goals given my history with body image and food.
