I am surprised by how much sex I have had in my life that I didn’t want to have. Not exactly what’s considered “real” rape, or “date” rape, although...”
I asked him to think about the most “sensitive” way she could tell him his penis was too small, his nipples were too big or he wasn’t muscular enough for HER liking. And if he couldn’t come up with a way she could express those things without him feeling even the LITTLEST bit bad about himself, then it’s likely he won’t either.
Warning: potential triggers.
This is about thigh gaps and the trainers, pages, blogs and fitness pros/enthusiasts promoting them with thigh gap “tips”, workouts, diets and more.
I just need to have… a word. Or several.
"When I lose the weight, I’ll be so happy"
"If only I had bigger boobs"
"My cellulite is disgusting. He’ll never want to date me"
"Once I fix this and that, I’ll finally feel free"
"Everyone keeps telling me to love my body and I want to, but I just, just can’t. I hate what I see in the mirror".
Any of this sound familiar?
Maybe you wouldn’t use those exact words, but you catch the drift. These sentiments and more are ones I see in my inbox most often: people who want to love their bodies and achieve a positive body image but are STUCK. Sometimes it’s very clear, and sometimes not. I’d guess that more than half of the weight loss or body targeting questions I get are secretly pleas for body love help.
Here’s the thing: contrary to popular fitness marketing messages, having a positive body image isn’t about getting rid of your cellulite or other “flaws” (note: here, the word “flaws” always comes with quotations. Find out why here). The messages we receive through photos, stories and testimonials is “my life got AWESOME once I fixed everything that society told me was wrong with me” (though when you dig deeper, you’ll find that’s usually not the case). We tend to celebrate visible body change “victories” with vigor, though few people actually go into detail about changes beyond their abs, booty or inches/pounds lost.
So what is having a positive body image really about?