Fit Villains: Selfish, Shameless, Sassy, Fitness.

“One reason I used to weigh myself so much was to “keep myself on track.” I no longer need to do that, and probably haven’t for quite some time.

You see, I don’t eat the way I do or exercise to keep my weight at a certain number. I do those things because they are part of my life. I like to do them. They benefit me. They keep me healthy and physically fit. Whether I weigh more or less, this will not change. If anything, now that I’ve finally decided to just DO this and trust myself, I’ve become so much more in tune with how I feel about certain foods or exercises and I’ve found a renewed love of the healthful activities. I have given up the stranglehold on my weight.

I have eyes and pants though, and I know what’s happening with my body. But I’ve become selfish. My body is mine alone, and the only person who needs to love it is me (and my boyfriend) My weight is not all that interesting, nor is my size. Everything I have to say is more interesting than whether I got bigger or smaller. So I’m keeping it to myself. I don’t need to be congratulated or consoled about my weight anymore. I’m good.

4 years ago, I was very embarrassed about my weight and size. Sharing with people helped me let it go. I have let it go. Sharing my weight or size serves no purpose for me anymore.”

When kids are younger — especially before they’re consuming tons of media and have friends — they get almost all of their behavioral cues from their parents. If their parents think it’s okay to call people names, then they’ll think it’s okay to call people names. If their mom hates her body, they can learn to hate their bodies, too.

If you want kids to learn that all people are equal and good, it requires vigilance. You can’t change the world around you — and you can’t always protect them — but you can explain to them that everyone’s equal, and you can say it again and again.

This goes double for disparaging your own body in front of your children. My mom always struggled with what she perceived to be fatness, and therefore was always on a diet. I don’t know how may disparaging comments I’ve heard her say about herself in my life, but if I had a dollar for every one, I could probably pay for my enormous amounts of therapy.

It’s hard enough to be a woman in our sexist culture, and the greatest gift we can give our girls is confidence in themselves — and that includes their bodies. As a parent, you’re competing with a plethora of outside influences — TV, advertising, friends, bullies, teachers — for your child’s attention. Inevitably, we’re all fucking up the kids around us — don’t worry, we’re teaching them good lessons, too! — but this is one thing that’s so fucking important. A girl’s sense of self is everything.

Say you’re walking down the sidewalk on a beautiful day. Someone who has internalized an outsider’s perspective of herself will often spend more time adjusting her clothing or hair, wondering what other people are thinking of her, judging the shape of her shadow or reflection in a window, etc. She will picture herself walking – she literally turns herself into an object of vision – instead of enjoying the sunny weather….

… Women are constantly being looked at. Even when we’re not, we’re so hyperaware of the possibility of being looked at that it can rule even our most private lives. Including in front of our mirrors, alone.

Bit different? Speak with a lisp, or like to read?
Long nose, big lips, small ears,
weird name, wrong shoes, no dad,
no fun, too serious, too dumb,
too tall, too short
too, too, too-
just too something.
There is always
Something.
too loud, too popular,
too shy too,
too healthy.

Can you sing? Shut it.
Run fast, row fast, swim fast? Slow down.
Create? Destroy.
Make a difference? Forget it.
Sensitive? Toughen up,
you must be gay.

Keep your head down,
and smile, but not too much.
Be fun, but not a clown
Stand up, but not too tall.
Fake it-make it
believable
Don’t be a try hard.
Try quiet

Yes
Quietly in your room
In tears
with the door shut
shut to the world
shut to the bullies
shut to yourself
all day
long.

That part that hurts-
the part you’ve kept
together
now splinters, shatters and
breaks
into a thousand sharp pieces.
Jagged and dangerous.
Pieces that can cut,
and hurt
another
with just a swipe
or a lashing out.

You stare at yourself
all smashed apart
a mess,
a scary
mess.
Yet
slumped on the floor
through teary eyes
you see yourself
like never before.
In pieces
sharp vivid and distinct,
irreplaceable
reflecting your eyes, your life
your heart.
You see pain, but more -
The light, the strength,
your heart wide open
right there
in beautiful unique patterns
Your pain,
arranging the pieces in ways
that only you
could create.
Yes,
a jagged
and magnificent
mess.
And then you know
there is no “too” anything.
There is only
You.