Fit Villains: Selfish, Shameless, Sassy, Fitness.

Changing your body vs. changing how you feel about your body.

TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.

They can happen separately or simultaneously, but working on the ‘feelings’ bit is the only way to truly feel at peace in the body you have. There are tons of women who get to their goal weights, fit into the jean size they’ve decided is ‘good’ or hit other aesthetic related goals who love their bods no better than before they started. Many simply go from being obsessed about losing weight to being obsessed about maintaining it. Others find new flaws to focus on, other things to fix. And many find that promises like “OMG, weight loss gets rid of ALL your problems and brings on nothing but HAPPY SUNSHINE TIMES” were nothing but a bunch of lies.

Life doesn’t suddenly get perfect when you lose weight. Your issues are still your issues, your problems are still your problems, and some find themselves disappointed that the magic wand of weight loss didn’t magically fix everything.

Everyone deserves to feel at home in their own skin. Which is why working towards body acceptance - even if you’re working on changing some things - is SOOOO beneficial for both your progress and your overall happiness. If what you want is to be happier in your body, you need to confront the reasons you aren’t with a bit more ferociousness and more depth.

Most people find that those reasons are a bit deeper than simply reducing cellulite.

Being just a little kinder to your body is a step in the right direction, whether you still want to change it or not. Maybe start today?

If you could thank your body for ONE thing, what would it be? If you could give your body a high five for something, what would it be? If your body was more of a best friend to you, instead of an enemy, what would you say to cheer it up? How can you change your language and inner dialogue to make your body more of a valuable vessel instead of an obstacle?

Few people learn to love their bodies overnight, but all people who do end up loving their bodies start small. With a change in thinking, a tweak in language, positive peeps surrounding them etc.

If you’re not ready to scream “I love my body”, maybe work on “I’m kind to my body” instead.

Baby steps. :)

I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen this list, or others like it. Everytime they appear in my dashboard or newsfeed, I get a little sad. I remember a time when I would have connected with this list:  it wasn’t that long ago. But in the last few years I have put in a lot of time and effort to work on my headspace when it comes to body image, fitness, weight loss and more. This list reminds me of how disordered my relationship was with my body… and how many girls out there are still struggling.

The thing is, weight loss will bring you none of these things. Nor are any of these things actually important. Weight loss will not make you happy or make you love yourself. There’s more to it than that.

This image has been floating around (with an astonishing amount of ‘likes’, reblogs and shares. Mostly by teens). What that tells me is there are a lot of young girls out there that connect with it.

My first thoughts are about messages being internalized about weight loss, being thin and more. Fitspo, fitness marketing and weight loss marketing often conveys these very things as “by products” of weight loss. “You’ll be happy when you lose the weight, are a size 2, when your thighs don’t touch (another issue) or _______. “. While this list bothers me, it doesn’t, however, SURPRISE me: these are sentiments that I see often in the messages I receive on a daily basis. It’s also the reason I focus so heavily on body image, health, body love and self-esteem boosting.

What are your thoughts on this list? Does this concern you or do you relate?

Do you “fat talk” or have friends that “fat talk”?

We tend to engage in fat talk (or ANY body shame talkin) to voice dissatisfaction, connect with other women, receive praise (which we tend not to believe anyways) and many other reasons. It’s so normal, that many women feel pressured to engage in this back and forth body shame dance whether or not they are ACTUALLY dissatisfied with their bodies. It can also normalize distorted thoughts, making body hate seem much more acceptable (and pronounced) than it should be. The shame game also becomes a sort of social currency: women who are confident and love their bodies often experience shunning from women who don’t. (generalizations, does NOT apply to everyone). It becomes a weird sort of social “advantage” to hate SOMETHING about your body. Weird.

Of course, the DISADVANTAGES are more numerous and dangerous. From physical health to mental health, hating our bodies does more harm than good.

I’ve been the girl who engaged in fat talk AND the girl who refuses. From my own experience, I’ve found more acceptance from other women when I’m dissatisfied with my body than when I’m proud of it. Despite claims that we love confident women, confidence isn’t always appreciated and/or comes off as arrogance. While I certainly won’t dull my own shine to make others feel better, it’s something I pay attention to and am more careful with. That said, when I hated my body, I made poor decisions, experienced more stress, had lower confidence and had a more negative attitude towards my place in the world.

The way we talk about our bodies (our own bodies and each other’s bodies) has a powerful impact on our self-esteem. Check out this interesting study showing the connection between fat talk and self-image. http://pwq.sagepub.com/content/35/1/18.full

Thoughts?

So, so sad. But I’m not surprised. (Maybe that’s even sadder?)

Every day I receive messages from young girls who want to be healthy, but the underlying tone is always wanting to ‘fit in’. A fear of being ‘fat’. Many resort to unhealthy practices to attain a body they consider ideal, even if they never end up acheiving (or simply can’t acheive) that body.

Would you trade years of your life for a smaller waistline? If so, the work you need to do is above your neck… not below it.

You cannot hate your body healthy: healthy is a place you get to with love. :)

Body love books: Good Girls Don’t Get Fat: How Weight Obsession Is Messing Up Our Girls and How We Can Help Them Thrive Despite It

“In one of the more interesting polls I’ve seen, more than three-fourths of the 231 dieters surveyed said that they would take a pill that would guarantee they would achieve or maintain their desired weight even if it would lower their life expectancy. On average, they were willing to give up 5.7 years. Moreover, 91% said that they would not take a pill that would lengthen their life by five years if it guaranteed that they would also remain overweight. This was a small sample, but it is consistent with other research. For instance, a book published just last year showed that the desire to fit in or be “normal” — rather than improving health — is the primary motivation for many people who undergo weight-loss surgery.

These findings may seem puzzling, but they are not so surprising when you consider weight-loss attempts for what they really are: efforts to protect against weight-based discrimination. The fact is, fear and loathing of fat are real, and American attitudes about fat may be more dangerous to public health than obesity itself.

What should be done about weight-based discrimination?

The answer is to call for increasing tolerance and appreciation of diverse body types. This year, before embarking on yet another diet, ask yourself why you want to lose weight. If it is to improve your health, perhaps you should focus on health-enhancing behaviors that are more directly linked to health: pledge, for example, to get more sleep, eat more fruits and vegetables, get regular physical activity, or spend more time with friends.

But if you are trying to change your body to shield against discrimination and stigma, consider making a different kind of New Year’s resolution: to stand up to intolerance and bigotry in all its various forms, whether racism, sexism or fatphobia.”