Fit Villains: Selfish, Shameless, Sassy, Fitness.

TRIGGER WARNING: This post may trigger those of you suffering from E.D., but I think it might help you understand why people around you say the things they say. Unless you’ve lived it, no one knows what someone with E.D. goes through. They say things that THEY think are helping, or that relieve THEIR stress. By knowing that they are uninformed about the disease, you can help yourself better deal with the words that might trigger you during recovery. You are human. So are they.

Since getting into this industry, I’ve had more exposure to eating disorders than I’ve ever had in my life. Weight-loss and fitness are healthy options for most people, but for some they are unhealthy quests for control and endanger their lives. I’ve had my own issues with food, but never to the extent where I felt controlled by it. I have, however, been exposed via an outpatient clinic where I volunteer and the patients mimic many of the sentiments I see here, on my dashboard, every day.

So, due to my recent exposure, I’ve become more sensitive in my language. I’m careful about how I talk to these girls, careful not to comment on their bodies, careful to support body-love & body love resources and stay as positive as I can. But there are others who don’t have the luxury of my education, or my exposure, who demonize the thin & are hurting those who may be suffering without fully knowing what they are doing. This could be you. It could be your mom. It WAS me a few years ago. And, I had NO resources to help me at all.

For those of you who aren’t sure HOW to speak, handle or help a person with an eating disorder, this is a good place to start.

Hoping we can all start HELPING each other, instead of HURTING each other.

Excerpt from: How To Support Someone With An Eating Disorder: What TO and NOT TO say.

Support is, at times, hard to give a person living with an eating disorder. He or she will most likely push you away when you try to help them, and they will isolate themselves as much as they can, as well as abuse things like laxatives, ipecac, and diuretics. They will sneak in exercising and hide food when you give it to them, but don’t let this discourage or infuriate you. Remember that the eating disorder that he or she has lived with is like an identity to them. Imagine one day waking up in a totally new place. A new house, job, life, planet, etc., with everything that you once knew so well now gone. That is what someone with an eating disorder encounters once they start the road to recovery. With an eating disorder, you become so use to the starving and rituals involved with anorexia, and the immediate relief and high you get from purging, that it is incredibly hard to just totally stop.

In the beginning, the person with the eating disorder will most likely deny that they even have a problem. Those with anorexia especially have a high denial rate because they cannot see how they really look, and instead only see themselves as obese failures. Most say they are “too fat” to be anorexic, and many have been regarded as the “perfect” children so they are too afraid to admit to themselves that there are actual problems. No matter what eating disorder, those with them feel they are not worth help, and their heads will tell them that they shouldn’t waste other people’s time when they are such “failures” anyways.

Knowing these things, never forget that recovery is a long road full of speed bumps and potholes. In recovery we tend to turn cold and unresponsive, and even shove and push those away from us, but don’t think that that doesn’t mean that we don’t want help. Deep down inside those suffering is a wish to truly be free from this hell. By pushing you away, those with an eating disorder are only isolating themselves more because they believe that they are not worthy or deserving of love/help.

Your support will be one of the most important things in that person’s recovery. Remember that getting angry or frustrated the person, or yelling at them, will only reinforce how much trouble and how much of a failure the person already feels, which always leads to the eating disorder worsening. Always have open ears and always calmly talk things, but don’t be fake (we can detect it like little radars). Most importantly, NEVER GIVE UP on the person.

HOW TO SUPPORT THEM

Do NOT comment on appearance. If you make comments such as, “Oh, you look so much healthier!”, the person with an eating disorder will twist that around and interpretate it as meaning that they have gained weight and are now “fat”. Also, don’t make this kind of comment either - “Wow, you are so thin! I wish I had your willpower.” The person will take that as a compliment and reinforce their weight loss.

Do NOT blame the person for what is going on. As I have commented before, if you yell, scream, fight, or blame the person for their eating disorder or for making your life “hell”, this will only reinforce how worthless they already feel and thus will trigger the eating disorder even more.

Do NOT make mealtimes a force feeding frenzy. Recovery is a long and slow process, and if you cram meal after meal down a person’s throat, you will only make them feel even more guilty and upset which leads to purging. SLOW is the key word. Work on eating snacks calmly and then move up to meals if it helps (this can go for all eating disorders, not just anorexia). Mealtimes should be as comfortable and friendly as possible so that the person doesn’t hate eating as much as possible.

DO listen and try to understand. Drawings, paintings, and poetry can help a great deal when those suffering can’t express themselves through talking.

DO remind and tell the person that they are not the only one fighting an eating disorder.

Do NOT harp on them about their eating behaviors, such as asking, “Are you going to puke that up?”, or, “Have you eaten anything today? What’d you have?” This only makes the person feel more ashamed (remember, someone with an eating disorder honestly believes that they don’t deserve to eat and they feel guilty every time they do).

Do NOT say things like, “I wish I could be anorexic, then I could be thin like you.” So many people think eating disorders are glamorous and that they can be flipped on and off like a light switch. But, go and ask anyone suffering, and they’ll tell you they wouldn’t wish this on their greatest enemies, so don’t treat this problem like a game instead of a deadly disorder.

DO understand that the person with an eating disorder is not out for attention or pity. We didn’t ask for this disorder to happen, nor did we want it to happen.

Do NOT make comments like, “You have four months to stop puring/to gain weight or else you are going to the hospital.” You cannot put a time limit on recovery and this will only panic the person with an eating disorder. Tell that to a person will only cause them to lie to you about their stages of recovery, not encourage them to “speed up” the recovery process.