I share this quote often. It KICKS ASS. And it’s so, so, so true it hurts.
But what if you’re not ready to free yourself of assholes, emotional vampires and dysfunctional friendships? Chances are, you still love the poor bastards, even ifthey’re sucking you dry.
Sometimes it’s hard to make a change when it comes to relationships, and the thought of ‘terminating’ friendships (even toxic ones) isn’t exactly stress free. I’d encourage you to view it in other ways…
1. Don’t think about terminating a friendship, but rather redefining it. Maybe hanging out one on one isn’t the best idea anymore: plan on only seeing that person in social situations. If you rely on one person to help you through emotional times, and they constantly disappoint you, then they are simply NOT the right friend to call. Choose someone else. Give OTHER people opportunities to be a good friend to you and redefine friendships so that they work better FOR you.
2. Change is hard. Stay busy. If your weekly girls night is no longer doing it for you spiritually, emotionally or physically, find something else to do on those nights (a class, a movie date with mom, workout etc). Don’t just stay in: that sucks.
3. You can’t eliminate social support and be happy. We need other people. Even negative/toxic relationships satisfy our need to be around others. Step out of the box and focus a little more energy on positive people in your life. Ask someone you haven’t seen in awhile to go for coffee. Repeat with a different old chum every week.
4. Make new friends who support your healthier/positive endeavors. Running groups. Gym going peeps. People from Zumba who you never say hi to. Find a common ground and explore other types of friendships.
5. Reducing the time you spend with certain friends may actually help SAVE your friendship. You may remember all the things you loved about that friend by distancing yourself a little.
6. Lower your expectations and get real with what they relationship IS… not what you want it to be. You can spend a lifetime waiting for someone to change into the person you want them to be. And you know what? They never will. Appreciate them for who they are, and ask yourself if they are the right person for you to be spending your time and energy on. If not, find someone else who’s a little more worthy.
YOU come first, and not all people mean to be assholes to you. Changing things up doesn’t mean they are bad people OR that you have failed. It’s simply protecting the environment you live in and creating a space for personal growth.
The Takeaway: Surround yourself with more positive people, open yourself to new experiences and create opportunities to be happier.